"I've become so numb..."

So the past couple days have been pretty coo...but its like the days are just passing me by and not hitting me...

Past couple days: I went to git Red Robin with two good friends Ana and Windy...then we watched porn in tha theatre..lol..naw we watched Bruno but mine as well have been porn...it was disturbingly funny...then got picked up by the BF...it was fun hanging out wit old frenz again... --->OMG and I came sooo close to passing mah drivers test I got -19 but only allowed -15...grrr...and on top of dat...when i was driving home wit mah mom and boo in da car while i was stopped the car behind the car behind me hit the car behind me which led to the car behind me hitting me...lol...no damage but kinda scary....lol...but it was ok then later that night da boo layed on da grass and watched da starts wit me...and made me a ring outta nature..but then it broke ;(....

Today the boyfrends going bak home...I'm glad for him but it jus sux cuz i kno i wont git to see as much of him before i leave but as long as he is happy its ok...

I have had soo much goin on...

I jus started to pack up mah stuff and its so surreal to me...like i cant even feel all i can feel is my stomach twisting from anxiety...

I'm not acting different much but i can feel my self having to push myself to be ME... Sometimes i even feel as if im over doing it but i honestly dont kno how to handle it...

I try to get closer to my boyfriend but i kno he's suffering too and his way of dealing with it is to push me away so that he wont be so attached when i leave but steo i sux...i love change but

sometimes tha route to a good change sux...

• One of mah brothers thinks he's suffering from a social disorder
• Mah other brother is soon to be homeless again sleeping under a bridge
• Mah youngest brother is gitting a second chance i sure hope he takes it
• Mah mom is moving out of the country to Germany with her drunken husband

I kno that after bootcamp I'm gonna have somewhere to stay (mah sisters) but it jus sux thinkin that I'm not coming bak to "my home"...

Well I'm going to Raging Waters today wit mah girlies cuz we didnt end up goin last time so hopefully that takes mah mind off things...I found some hilarious pictures from like years ago that i gotta show them...yup yup gotta live it up cuz i only got

11 Days left until I leave for Marine Corps Bootcamp

This weekend!!!

This weekend has been pretty coo....

On Saturday I jus chilled and worked out...then I went to da Demi Lovato Concert wit mah niece. HAHAHAHA!!! Me & Demi Lovato...lol...but it was actuallly pretty coo even though i was surrounded by a buncha lil kids...and David Archuleta & KSM was there...then i went home....I LOVE SPENDING TIME WIT MAH NIECE...

On Sunday:
Woke up erly...went to McDonalds for breakfast wit mah momz...then came home...and got to drive to pik mah Boo up!!!...Tha rest of the day we pretty much chilled...then went to his uncle Marty's house for a coo lil kikit BBQ...we watched Chill Factor then went home...to sleep...

So Today:
SSgt. Jackson called me supa erly tryna git me to ship out erly AGEN!!..i would but i got so much goin on at home ryte now and i want more time wit mah frenz and family...Then i went on a walk wit mah Boo to 7/11 came bak jus cooked and ate potatoe pancakes and now watching "Jaw Breaker" ...
Later Ima go to Raging Waters wif mah girls from ROTC while mah Boo-Boo is @ work... i cant wait...its gonna be funy to see all da lil LifeGuards that are gonna try and boss me around...lol...they dont kno me...lol...

well thats it for now...and gess wut?...

I got

15 Days left Until I ship Out for Marine Corps Boot Camp

16 days to go

16 days until Marine Corps Bootcamp Parris Island

So yesterday was a coo ass day...
Started out bright and erly..got picked up by S. Sgt Jackson-->which was pretty funny cuz he had some girl wit him...i think she spent da nite wit him...lol..

Then met up at da station wit like 6 otha poolees (all guys)...from there we went to MEPS for our IST...even though i wasnt feeling tha best i did pretty decent....

Flexed Arm Hang: 56 secs
Crunches: 62
1.5 mile run: 13:12 min

I was especially proud of my run cuz das da fastest Ive done it...then i gotta free Marine Corps shirt for being the fastest female runner....HOORAH!!!

Then we all got some Taco Bell...then S.Sgt Nguyen wanted to go swimming at my apartments...so we did...it was coo...
We all swam and all the guys threw dihn in da pool cuz he didnt kno how to swim...then mah BF came down and taught him.,..pretty coo i actually got to know them more....yup yup yup yesterday was a good day and today is gonna be pretty much chill....

50 G's or 3 weeks???

21 days left until i leave for USMC Bootcamp

Or is it????

I gotta call from Sgt. Dean today asking if i wanted to ship out erly on da 13th insted of the 27th...

**Oh yah and mah Drivers test is da 14th i dnt really wanna ship out and stuff w/o mah L's**

And i kno it isnt much of a difference but i really wanted to spend as much time with mah friends and fam as i can...

then i thot maybe i could git a betta M.O.S (thats basically ur job in da Corps) but turns out there aint really a chance of dat...

but then sgt. dean dean made me a good offer saying that he can work it to where i would git 50 G's insted of 40 but idk if it really worth it cuz i neva really was in it for the money...but i can use all dat for wuteva i want when i git out...but is it worth it to cut mah time with my friends fam..and boo short?...IDK i gotta lot to think bout and ima let dem kno by tomrw...

Ne ways on a different note...i spent 4th of july weekend at 6 flags didnt plan to spend 2 days there but we did and i was sooo happy cuz i got to ryde an elefante and kiss a dolphin...cuz i love aminals...it sucked cuz i wanted mah bf to be there...seeing all da otha females wit their doods...but in da end it turned out good...

Today woke up ran for a lil...drove to git mah nieces dress....and came to mah sistahs house for a fam BBQ...pretty much a good day...but mah throat has been reall sore...so dat sux and i have a headache...but overall these past days been good...but i jus wanna see mah boo boo even if he is being a moody jerk...

Well i gotta lot to think about tonite...hit me up and giv me some insight if you can ...well im bout tah hit Starbucks g'night bloggers...

U call urselves friends?

I am so sick and tired of mah "so-called" friends...they always asking "where u bin emma"...I bin sitting mah friggn ass at home...while ya'll go out cuz u aint got da courtesy to invite ur so-called friend...i'm gittin real tired of everyone playing games....jus say what u mean and mean what u say...

I'm leaving in 27 days i aint got time to think certain people down for me when the aint...so i can stop wasting mah time on dem...lyke i sed dis is why mah life is yet to start...and i cant wait till it duz

I'm leaving

*Verse 1*
Slowly but surely we are drifting apart from who we are...
We shared a love that we thot was tru...
but in the end...
I have no choice but to leav u...
u were mah love...
No one can ever compare...
To the love, joy, and union we share...

*Chorus*
Sed im stuck now...dont know what to do...
if anything...i cant even stand to look at u...
without...without having ur arms hold me tight...
I dont know why...but even then the thought of us jus makes me cry...

make me wanna cry out...
im leaving...dont need u...
where were u wen i hurt....when i hurt inside

so lonely laying down with noone by my side

*verse 2*
I told myself i would never let this happen again...
But look at us...cant even have a talk to agree on this end...
the end of us...we're stuck now...
not knowing what we have as a whole...
but we now we know
no one can ever compare... to what we had...
the pain, hurt, tears, fights that we shared...
I guarantee ...

*Bridge 1*
I'm gone now....
On mah own now...
so dumb to think i needed u...
I got mah own life...starting fresh a new start...
So now i am....

I'm leaving...dont need you
Where were you when i hurt...when i hurt inside

No more crying...
Im done dying inside..
cuz u killed me....
but ima bring mahself back to life...
on mah own...so secure now...not insecure nooooo


dont need no man...
neva needed one before...
so now ur gone ...cuz i left u...
had enuf of u...
so sick of the games u always play...
mah heart broke but slowly healing ....
I wish i could say the same about u and me...
but its over...so over
nothing left to do, say, or see...

this is the end...of you and me

GRRRRR

I am so friggn irritated ryte now...
Its hot...
I cant find mah dang wallet...
I try bein coo wit mah X and it jus blows up in mah face
Mah mom still aint back home yet...
And mah stomach hurts lyka motha...

But on the bright side...
I got some new clothes on saturday...
and i'm bout tah go see Transformers...
...but idk cuz i cant find mah wallet...